Vulnerability and Transparency

To love at all is to be vulnerable.  Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken.  If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal.  Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.  But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change.  It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable…. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers … of love is Hell.

C. S. Lewis

It was shortly after I started blogging that I had a realization about myself.  I had written a post and noticed that I was “white-washing” the events of that post, because I was not willing to admit, publicly, the truth.  It became a transformative moment for me.  After some searching, I came to accept that if I was to be authentic, honest and true; not ashamed, secretive and hypocritical, then I needed to live in such a way that I would not need to apply white-wash.  I decided to live so that I could be transparent.

It was initially difficult.  I found myself confronting things I didn’t like about myself.  I felt a lot of shame.  But I’ve come to appreciate the awareness that resulted.  And in sharing, I felt I achieved growth.

This past month the concept of vulnerability has been repeatedly drawn to my attention.  My first response was that I had this under control.  I am willing to be transparent.

I’ve become aware that I’ve been shielding myself, much like Lewis’s chest.  For over a year now I’ve been working full-time with a team of really amazing people.  They’ve been encouraging me to break out of the walls that I built while trying to survive.  I’m grateful that my new “team” are amazing at gently removing the bricks of protection one by one.  I’m also very grateful that even though I’m experiencing new moments of pain at the newly exposed points of vulnerability, that I’m also being shown how much more joy I can experience by breaking down the walls.

Is being transparent the same as being vulnerable?  In this example, I say no.  But being transparent is an essential element of being vulnerable.

Here is a TED talk about being vulnerable.  One of the many”vulnerability” things brought to my attention this month.

Start by doing …

Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible. -Saint Francis of Assisi

I remember being so happy to celebrate January 1st, 2010.  It was a huge relief to be able to say “Good bye” to that year.  Like so many who have experience “that year,” it was good to start with the mental relief of turning a page on the calendar.  With time I’ve come to realize that it was only a start.  My emotions and heart are still working on finding ways to live at peace with the events of that year.

I closed this blog early in 2010, but it was with so much pain.  Much of me just wanted to keep the release and peace that writing gave to me.  For some time I blogged under another title.  But this blog was home and I wanted to be here.  I had made the decision to let this blog rest because it seemed best for the relationships in my life.  Also, I also didn’t have the strength left within me to tell others that this place, Birdy’s Blog, was my place and I needed it.

Time has passed.  Many, many changes have taken place in my life.  I’ve come to a place of being able to do what I thought impossible.  It is in that spirit that I have decided, it is time to write here again.

#2 Teaches Regrouping

Regrouping!   Because teaching math is much more fun than doing math…

#2 Teaches Ragged Addition

Adding numbers of different lengths!

The Daughter Teaches Math

 

My daughter has decided that she wants to teach her math instead…

In the middle of Furniture Moving

I’m in the middle of moving furniture. School goes on anyways. I’ll be back to my ‘feature’ later on, but thought I’d share a sampling of my 8 year old daughter’s penmanship of the day. She didn’t know I was going to post it up, so this isn’t ‘her best work’ and she’s not the most impressed with me, lol!

And here you can see that it is very important to practice safety while doing your school work:

What I want for Christmas

 

A while ago someone posted a link to this youtube on Facebook.  Since then, I’ve listened to many, many clips from this group Perpetuum Jazzile and I simply love their work.  True, much of it is in another language and I’ve tried hard to make sure that I’m not listening to really ‘bad’ stuff but so far haven’t found that its much worse than what is playing on the airwaves here, if anything, its better!

 

Anyhow, what I want for Christmas is their latest CD, Africa.  That… that would make me really happy, lol!

[and as #2 added to her list, I'd also be happy with a kiss from each of my kids and my husband.  Because, as she said, "Its free Mommy, and the free stuff is the best!"]

Is Homeschooling Legal?

Most often, yes.

Now that is deliberately vague because this is something that you have to research for your district and province/state and country.

Homeschooling is not universally accepted and in some countries, for example some of the European countries, homeschoolers are actually jailed for teaching things not sanctioned by the state.  There have been examples of children being removed from their parents because the parents were teaching their children ‘things’.

Ontario’s Law:

Section 21 (2) of the Ontario Education Act states that a child of school age is excused from compulsory attendance in a public school if the child is receiving satisfactory instruction “at home or elsewhere.”

Now there are a lot of questions and thoughts about this and there is an excellent link here that does a very good job outlining these questions and answers.  No need to rewrite them all here.

 

Some personal questions I ask about public schools:

1.  What is the purpose of public education?  Is it to ensure that every child has equal opportunities to receive an education?

Do I endorse the reason for public education?  Can I achieve the same goals in an other method (private school, tutoring, homeschooling)?

2.  What are the goals of public education specific to my child? More specifically, what is the education that my child will receive via this method of education?

What *are* they teaching my child?  Is it reading, writing and ‘rithmetic?  Or is there a whole lot more?  Are they really teaching the 3 R’s?  How well are the ‘majority’ of the students achieving the goals?

3.  How are they teaching my child?

for example: lecture, drills, worksheets, hands-on-experience, group work, classroom, textbooks  …

4.  What is the philosophy that influences the education my child receives and do I subscribe to these core philosophies myself?

As a Christian, I have an issue with many subjects taught in the public school system.  Ask yourself, do you believe what is being taught by the school, if you don’t are you explaining this to your child?

 

Canadian Homeschooling Information

Wikipedia on Homeschooling in the USA

HSLDA on Homeschooling in the USA

More legal questions on Homeschooling in general can be researched on the Home School Legal Defense Association

Homeschool and Socialization

I’ve decided to pull together a series of links and make some comments about homeschooling and the ‘Big Questions’ in one place so that I can find them in one place.  This is by no means an exhaustive list and is much more the tip of the iceberg that I found today and potentially a net-search several days down the road could lead down a very different bunny trail!  Each post will deal with a topic and then I’ll link them to a blog page/tab at the top.

The Question of Socialization:

This is likely the biggest question that is asked of me.  Its one of those things that once you start homeschooling you quickly realize is the least of your worries.

One of the biggest comments that I can make on this is that the “what about socialization” question isn’t really a question about “is your child able to be social” but a series of other questions:

“Will your child fit in with other children the same age?”

Truthfully, I never really fit in as a child myself.  Did you?  I’m not joking here or trying to be flip.

Also, ask yourself, do you want your child to be just like every other child?  Or were you hoping to raise a unique individual that lives up to their maximum potential?  Is the method of schooling going to be what determines the outcome on this question?

Will the child be socially awkward?

At a Homeschool support meeting and the speaker mentioned how someone told him that he could tell that those children were homeschooled because they were quiet and shy.

I had to laugh because I often get told that you can tell my children are homeschooled because they are gregarious and outgoing and stop and talk to anyone and everyone.

My point here is that homeschooling will not enhance or detract from your child’s personality.  Your child is or isn’t shy.  They are or aren’t an extrovert.

Generally speaking, extroverts do great in a school setting and introverts don’t.

Homeschooling does offer the potential for you as the parent to help the child understand and appreciate the great qualities of their own personalities.

The bottom line, in my opinion, is that it is a big assumption to state that school at home or away is going to actually determine your child’s personality.  Either way, which ever method of schooling you choose, your child will be influenced.  Away, more influence by peers and persons that may or may not share your personal values and love of this child.  At home, well… you’ll have the greatest influence and will likely be around to help them cope in situations when they deal with peers and other persons.

Will the child have friends?

Short answer, yes.  Short of locking your child up for the rest of their lives.  People are social creatures.

The key difference is that a homeschooled child is just as likely to make friends with the older neighbour next door, the mail delivery person, the guy at the grocery store *as well as* other children the same age.

This is again personal opinion, but I find it more accurate to how I live life as an adult.  It is very rare for me to be with the same group of people day after day that are the same age as me.

Still this is a very valid concern and most area’s have great homeschool networks where families can meet and connect.

What about all the school stuff and memories?

This is what I find is the core question.  Yes, homeschooling does mean that they won’t have a lot of the same kinds of school memories that you experienced.  Both the good memories and the bad memories.  You know what I mean.

That being said, they will have a lot of school-like memories.  For example field trips.  The same homeschool networks I mentioned earlier are often places where parents get together to organize field trips.  The wealth and variety of experiences are, if anything, greater for homeschoolers as we aren’t tied to just curriculum and can pick and choose to our hearts content or, if we don’t like what’s available go and organize one to our choosing!

If anything, I often have to remind myself that we don’t *have* to go on all of the 27 field trips available to me this month!

How about yearbooks and pictures?  Well, definitely not like you had in school, but I take my kids pictures frequently and they scrapbook them into memory books themselves.  It is different.

What about birthday parties, sleepovers and all the fun stuff?  Still happens.  How cool is it when you *can* have a sleepover on a school night and stay up late! lol… Just kidding but seriously not related to school.

Bully?  Well, my kids say I’m a bully sometimes…

And so on.  Basically all the good stuff you remember from school is not exactly related to education and something you can make sure your child will experience.

Can you kind of see why I say that for homeschoolers the question of socialization becomes something that sometimes causes us to want to groan when asked about it?

Here are some links that I found that I think do an excellent job exploring this issue *and* provide facts and numbers and such!  [note to HS-ing readers, if you know of better articles, link them in your comments.  I'll have to approve them first, but will let them be posted to this blog post]

Social Skills and Homeschooling

Socialization of Homeschooled Children

Big article, scroll down to Socialization of Children

Socialization, How to deal with it [other HS-ing parents responses]

CBN news article, Christian comments on HS-ing and socialization

Apparently I forgot the best Worm’s Song